Contact Us

Woodstone Featured in North Shore Outlook

Cover Story: A daughter's legacy

By Maria Spitale-Leisk - North Shore Outlook
Published: November 21, 2013 3:00 PM

At the height of her eating disorder, every night Amy Pezzente prayed that she wouldn't wake up.

She couldn't bear to face another day and the guaranteed judgmental glances from strangers.

38246northshoreDianaBuddenCOVER 0732West Vancouver's Diana Budden lost her daughter Jessie to an eating disorder in 2002. Diana started an disorder awareness program called Jessie’s Legacy, which today is offered through Family Services of the North Shore.
Rob Newell

It began in Grade 9, Pezzente's disordered eating habits. What started as anorexia bled into bulimia, she says, recalling "swimming" in her senior prom dress.

After high school, Pezzente's life continued on a downward spiral, fueled by the pressures of university.

"It wasn't like life, it was existing," she says.

Pezzente paints a pretty bleak picture of her early 20s. She exercised compulsively until eventually her gymmembership was revoked.

When she went to buy a treadmill from a store, a visibly gaunt Pezzente was denied the purchase. Stoking the cashier's suspicion was the $800 in cash that Pezzente was trying to pay with.

"I had maxed out my credit card purchasing food and diet pills," she remembers.

By this time her body was in crisis mode. But Pezzente remained oblivious. The voice of her eating disorder muted the alarm bells that were going off.

"I wasn't getting my period in four years and I didn't care," says Pezzente.

She developed heart palpitations and even osteoporosis, a bone density condition that normally afflicts older people. Meanwhile, the acid from all the purging did a number on her teeth.

As Pezzente's body shrunk, so did the world around her. Without many friends to turn to — plus, she had rejected her family's suggestion that she had a problem — Pezzente asked a stranger on the bus how she looked.

"Like I was on chemotherapy," Pezzente says was the response.

She finally reached her breaking point after being asked to leave university because she was too sick. After battling this all-consuming illness for six years, Pezzente decided she was tired of fighting.

As sick as she was, she would still have to wait eight months to get into an eating disorders program at St. Paul's Hospital in Vancouver.

There she met the head of the program, Dr. Laird Birmingham, who Pezzente says saved her life. She was comforted by the heat therapy, which helped lessen her anxiety, and by being told that her illness was not her fault.

Through counselling, she learned what trigged her eating disorder: being afraid to grow up.

"Subconsciously, I made myself sick so I didn't have to make decisions anymore," explains Pezzente. "I wanted my mom to take care of me. And she did."

Today, Pezzente is fully recovered and works for Jessie's Legacy, a North Shore-based eating disorders prevention program named for a young West Vancouver woman who never had a chance to grow up.

Jessie's Legacy

Diana's Budden's daughter Jessie was born a gentle, caring child.

"Basically, she was a lovely girl that just wanted to please people," says Diana from her home near Park Royal mall. "She was almost too nice."

Jessie's mood changed when she was 13 years old, says her mother. The family was living in England at the time.

At first, Diana figured her daughter was depressed. Jessie had stopped eating and expressed feelings of worthlessness.

"I'm begging her to eat, saying, 'If you don't eat — you will die,'" remembers Diana. "That doesn't mean anything to her. The voices are so loud."

When Jessie did eat, afterwards she would go to her room, bang her head against the wall and say: "I'm bad, I shouldn't have eaten," says Diana.

The vicious cycle continued when the Buddens moved back to Canada.

While they did seek professional help for their daughter's eating disorder, Diana says the treatment Jessie received was subpar.

They would sit in the emergency room for days, waiting for a bed in an overcrowded psych ward that Diana assessed was not adequately prepared to deal with Jessie's depressed, suicidal and bulimic condition.

Diana says, on another occasion, while waiting to have Jessie's self-inflicted arm cuts stitched, a doctor humiliated her, saying she was "wasting their time" by doing this to herself.

"It was pretty horrible," recalls Diana of the experiences.

Diana says Jessie's psychological predisposition, which prevented her from being able to handle difficult situations, manifested as an eating disorder.

Sadly, the trauma that triggered Jessie's illness would be hard for most people to overcome.

When she was 13 years old she went to a dance where she was raped at knifepoint and told by her attacker, "If you tell anyone, I will kill you."

In Jessie's mind, says Diana, she blamed herself and thought her family wouldn't love her.

Because Jessie was so deep into her eating disorder, Diana knew it was going to be hard to reach her. She was heartbroken to hear Jessie say: "I'm afraid to let go of it, because I won't know who I am."

Jessie took her own life in February 2002 at the age of 20. It was Diana who found her.

"I respect her for her choice," says the courageous mother, who knew her daughter was done fighting.

Since then Diana has channeled her grief by starting an eating disorder awareness program called Jessie's Legacy, which today is offered through Family Services of the North Shore.

Last year, Jessie Legacy reached 1,800 elementary and high school students who received positive messages around body image and healthy eating habits.

While many people point to magazine images and music videos featuring waif-like models as the main reason for youth developing eating disorders, psychologists say there are other factors at play.

Diana agrees, to some extent.

"I don't think the media causes it, but it contributes to these eating disorders," says Diana. "It's all bull**** messages."

Eating disorders on the rise

CaraLynne McLean, a North Vancouver-based psychotherapist who specializes in eating disorders, says there is rarely a single identifiable cause for this psychiatric illness.

"It could be a significant loss in someone's life, it could be bullying," suggests McLean. "So to say that it's only the media is a bit narrow."

Still, McLean knows the media does have a responsible role to play.

"Kids are often on iPhones and iPads looking at images and videos that are not age-appropriate, and ones that are sexually explicit where women are treated like objects rather than human beings," she says.

Compounding the problem, and why McLean figures there is a rise in the number of youth with disordered eating, is the fact that children today are under more pressure than ever to excel in academics and sports.

"It is alarming the number of clients that show a fear of fat, starting as young as six, seven and eight years old," says McLean, sitting in her office filled with toy cars, dinosaurs and other items to engage children's creativity.

She has treated dancers, figure skaters, jockeys and other youth involved in weight-sensitive sports. And it's not just females. In fact, one in 10 eating disorder cases involve men.

"Men are not immune to this," says McLean.

She uses wrestling as an example. In a sport where only one pound can put a person in a higher weight category, there is a prevalence of disordered eating.

McLean says male eating disorders, in particular, are underreported because of the stigma around them.

There are warning signs to look out for. According to McLean, people with an eating disorder might: lose interest in things they once loved, isolate themselves from friendships, become concerned with certain types of foods and eliminate food groups.

And then there's the voice of Ed.

"Someone with an eating disorder will often talk about it as if someone else has taken over," explains McLean. "They label that person or that voice as being the voice of Ed. Unfortunately, the voice is so strong."

McLean said diagnosing someone with anorexia and bulimia can be challenging, as there is certain medical criteria that needs to be met.

For example, a woman with disordered eating who is still menstruating technically doesn't have anorexia, in terms of the diagnosis. But that doesn't mean she is not struggling with anorexia, cautions McLean.

Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) are ones that don't meet the exact criteria for anorexia, bulimia or binge eating.

There are physical steps to recovery from an eating disorder, nourishment being the most important.

Then there is the reprogramming of the brain through the use of such techniques as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and education around media awareness.

Eating disorders often result from poor or non-existent coping skills. McLean recommends her patients develop healthy coping habits: journaling, walking, meditation, talking with a close friend, checking in with a counsellor and joining activities are some of her suggestions.

She recently welcomed a new addition to her practice, an 11-week-old therapy dog named Lexi. The Labradoodle will pick up sadness, trauma and grief in a patient, among other emotions.

At the same time, the heaviness in the room can tire out a therapy dog.
For McLean, who has spent more than a decade researching and treating eating disorders, this work weighs on her heart, too.

"I think that I see what happens and I see how much time is lost with kids, especially those who have eating disorders," says McLean. "They lose a huge portion of their teenage life, and I find it heartbreaking."

A welcome retreat

Every day, a young man or woman is reclaiming his or her life at a tranquil retreat on Galiano Island.

Two years ago, a residential treatment program for eating disorders, the first of its kind in Canada, opened on a sprawling nine-acre property on the island.

The creation of the Woodstone facility was a labour of love. It's the brainchild of North Vancouver mothers Dolores Elliott and Deborah Grimm and Vancouver mother Cindy Dobbe, who were all brought together by their daughters' eating disorders.

Dolores's daughter Denise's illness started with anorexia in 1999 when she 14 years old. Just when the family thought she was past her eating problems, "bulimia reared its ugly head."

The moms met when their daughters were in treatment, each sharing their frustration about the lack of resources for eating disorder programs in this province.

"We kind of thought it was a bit of a revolving door," says Dolores. "Is there a waiting list to get treatment for children with cancer? I don't think the wait lists are three or four months long."

For one particular program, whoever had the lowest Body Mass Index got accepted first, she recalls. Dolores discovered that some people would purposely make themselves more sick just to get in the door.

Desperate to save her daughter, Dolores sent Denise to a renowned treatment facility in Arizona, at a cost of $2,000 a day. Denise spent 67 days there. Some B.C. parents who went the same route had to remortgage their homes to pay the hefty bill.

While it was expensive, the families found the non-clinical environment was conducive to their child's recovery.

In 2002, fed up with the current system back home, the mothers formed the North Van-based Looking Glass Foundation. What started with summer camps and support groups grew into a vision to create B.C.'s first residential eating disorders program for young people ages 17-24.

Woodstone, a one-time inn, with its pastural setting, was the perfect fit for the foundation's mandate to create a healing environment.

During their two- to three-month stay, residents, along with taking part in group and individual therapy sessions, get plenty of opportunity to enjoy the area's natural splendor. They volunteer in the Galiano Island community and even attend classes at the local schools.

Right now there are 10 publicly-funded beds at Woodstone, with the intention of opening 10 out-of-province beds down the road.

Explains Dolores, while the beds are partially funded by the government, it costs $800 per bed per day to keep Woodstone operational. The foundation relies mainly on funds raised during an annual gala to keep their programs afloat.

Dolores senses the urgency for more beds.

Last week she received three phone calls on one day from parents enquiring about Woodstone. Dolores says it's no coincidence they are all calling right now.

"It's the kids that are in university," she says. "There are pressures."

And with the upcoming holiday, Dolores says some people with eating disorders might be stressed out thinking about the food they will have to consume in a social setting.

Dolores says their family had four Christmases from hell when Denise was sick. These days there is a lot to be thankful for.

"Today, she is just full of life," says Dolores of her daughter, who owns her own business. "She's just inspiring to other people."

AmyPezzente

Pezzente has an equally bright future ahead of her.

The 29-year-old graduated with a bachelor's degree in human kinetics and physiotherapy.

She is the coordinator of the Provincial Eating Disorders Awareness campaign and is involved in a myriad of other prevention programs.

Pezzente also oversees the Looking Glass Foundation's online group which provides live support to people affected by an eating disorder.

Recently married, Pezzente says her husband loves her no matter what size she is. Her long brown hair shines in the daylight and she smiles through her eyes.

"I feel free and there is space in my head now," says Pezzente. "All I used to think of was weight and calories. I can think about other things now."

It took a good six years for her to be comfortable in her own skin, but she now has a healthy perspective.

"I'm borrowing this body for this lifetime," says Pezzente. "I don't want to die being known for the way I look."

Resources

The Looking Glass Foundation:
604-314-0548
Lookingglassbc.com

Jessie's Legacy:
604-988-5281, ext. 204
email: jessieslegacy@familyservices.bc.ca

Kelty Resource Centre at BC Children's Hospital:
1-800-665-1822

CaraLynne McLean Counselling
604-728-7193
Caralynnemclean.com

The Looking Glass Foundation will host a 10th anniversary gala featuring a live and silent auction on Jan. 31 at the Rocky Mountaineer Station.

Those wishing to donate items can contact 604-314-0548. More information is available at lookingglassbc.com/gala.

mspitale@northshoreoutlook.com

twitter.com/MariaSpitale

In her final blog post, Dolores reflects on where her family's journey through eating disorders has brought them and the inspiration she has drawn from it. Birthed from the ashes of a very challenging period of her life is the Looking Glass Foundation for Eating Disorders and the Woodstone Residence...
[dt_divider style="narrow"/]
After many years of navigating our own families’ situations, we came together and decided to make a change in our community to help those suffering with eating disorders.Woodstone1
From our first meeting we knew what we wanted to do. We were going to move ahead and open Canada’s first adolescent intensive treatment centre specifically for eating disorders.This vision and our mission have been on track since inception. Passionate volunteers all, we worked tirelessly with the government and communities around the province to raise awareness about how serious eating disorders really are.

One of the first community campaigns we did was called “Mirrorless Mondays” that involved three high schools from North Vancouver.

From there we created the first week-long, overnight summer camp for young people with Eating Disorders.

Our momentum continued to grow and we did everything from launching our annual gala fundraiser to heading to Spain to present our model for summer camp to a host of industry professionals. The support of our efforts was amazing, giving us strength daily to take step after step. And then one day, we found it.One of the fondest memories I have is of a day in 2009 when we took a walk on the property of Woodstone Inn on Galiano Island. It was all that we had been looking for and more to house our residential treatment centre that had been our dream since day one. Woodstone sits on 9 acres of land providing a tranquil setting  for young people to do the hard work of overcoming their eating disorders.

Woodstone 1

All of us at Looking Glass  take calls on behalf of The Foundation and meet people who are looking for answers to help their child who is living with an eating disorder. I am thankful for the opportunity to offer hope, faith and strength to parents and their children new to this very challenging journey back to health and wellness.

My message for families is simple: if you have a gut feeling that something is not right with your child, please seek help. In my experience I have come to learn that we as parents are the biggest advocates for our children. We should not hesitate to ask questions of the   doctors and other professionals over and over again.
As parents we do our best to be practical, sensitive and loving to our child’s body, mind and soul. As you walk this journey, have faith and hope in the very real possibility that your child will recover. Reach out to those around you for support - because the help you need is available.Most importantly, believe in yourself - don’t be afraid to ask for direction and comfort as you walk this journey from darkness to light. You  are not alone and will be heard.
[dt_divider style="narrow"/]
Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 of Dolores’ family’s courageous story of hope and recovery from an eating disorder. We thank her for her courage to share this very personal story with our community so that others might not have to go through the challenges that her family did in seeking help for a loved one struggling with an eating disorder.

I know many anorexics, bulimics, and other disordered eaters who prefer to keep their experiences tightly under wraps - a book bound, locked, and hidden under the floorboards. And I can understand why - who wants to reopen old wounds or expose what might be perceived as weaknesses? But somehow, I’ve never really felt that way. For the most part, I’ve always been quite open about my life as an anorexic in recovery, from the moment I was first diagnosed. Why? Well, a few reasons come to mind…

First of all, it’s a conversation that doesn’t happen enough. Eating disorders have become increasingly prevalent among females and males over the past three decades, and yet only recently have we really been bringing the issue to light. Prior to the establishment of organizations like the Looking Glass, the National Eating Disorders Association, Jessie’s Hope, and many others, the topic of disordered eating was swept under the rug, stigmatized,Why I share my story misunderstood, and even outright tabooed. But they existed nevertheless. In the shadows they proliferated until the sheer volume of emaciated or internally damaged patients could no longer be ignored. To this day, the world still struggles to accept anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders as true diseases.

So I tell my story in hopes that it might help encourage more conversation - that, like the ripples emanating from the drop of a stone, the discussion might spread… and with it, the awareness so critical to breaking the cycle of eating disorders among us.

The second reason is a bit of a selfish one: I share my story because there’s nothing that holds me to recovery better than reflecting on where I once was, what it was like, and how far I’ve come. The pain of a long, agonizing journey that at times just barely skirted death has left me with a few scars, but I’m grateful for the marks of life worth living. Most people might want to forget the torture of an eating disorder, but for me, it’s an unforgettable force that holds me to recovery. Hospital wards, IV’s, ceaseless fear, and a cold that reached far beyond the physical - there’s absolutely no way I would ever want to go back.

Finally, and most importantly, I tell my story in case there’s even the tiniest chance that it might be of help to others - that my experience might actually benefit those who still suffer. Because these are diseases of isolation that make the victim feel alone and unlovable, the hope that someone else can truly relate is perhaps one of the strongest assets in recovery. I made so very little progress in my own recovery until I found others like me who had found freedom from their eating disorders, and were willing to share their experience with me. So I tell my story as they did, to pay the gift of freedom forward. The truth is, no one can recover alone - and there’s no better guide for a journey than one who has traveled the path before.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Alison is a regular contributor to The Looking Glass’ blog, is an eating disorders survivor and is an inspiration to those around her.

All of a sudden, my body and food became an obsession. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

I thought that if I were thin enough, I would be accepted. I would no longer be ugly. I wouldn’t be alone all the time… I would finally be accepted.

I was on the hamster wheel of self punishment, driving myself harder and harder while existing on less and less.

I stopped eating around people… I would wake up at 2, 3, 4am just so that I could eat in peace. It was easier than having to cover up in front of others.

These are the words of anorexics and bulimics who suffered years of trauma in the grip of their disease, whose lives were thrown horrifically off-course and whose minds were imprisoned by the agonizing pain of eating disordered pathology. Would it surprise you to know that these speakers are male? Perhaps it would, simply because we most often associate eating disorders with females, and their stories often contain echoes of the expressions above.

It might also surprise you that between 10-25% of individuals diagnosed with eating disorders are male, and that the National Eating Disorders Association estimates that 10 million males in the United States will suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their life. Recent statistics report that up to 43% of men are dissatisfied with their weight, and 33% of adolescent males use unhealthy behaviours to control their weight. The truth is, men get eating disorders too, and their cases are, in many ways, similar (if not indistinguishable) from those in females.

Today, the widespread infatuation with unattainable body shape ideals applies as much to men as to women. While women are most often portrayed in the media as slender, submissive sex symbols, the men that catch the public eye are athletic, v-shaped, and muscular. Closely related to these images of largely unattainable body types is the pressure to use diet, weight training, drugs, and even implants to alter the male appearance. These pressures Men's EDsincrease among male athletes, especially gymnasts, body builders, wrestlers, jockeys, rowers, dancers, and swimmers whose sports necessitate weight restriction. This may explain why exercise is the more common weight loss technique among men, compared to restriction among women.

Sexuality may also be another significant contributing factor. Psychological studies show that sexual conflict, either homo- or heterosexual, precedes the onset of an eating disorder in up to 50% of male patients. Furthermore, many men with eating disorders – particularly anorexia – admit “obvious relief” when their sex drive decreased in the acute phase of their disease. Given the degree to which eating disorders centre around feelings of control, it may be that these men perceive this reduction of sexual libido as a way of resolving and/or controlling issues of sexual conflict. After all, the use of eating disordered behaviour to divert or control sexual attention has been a common theme among females with the disease.

Perhaps the most critical problem among men with eating disorders is the reluctance to seek help. Higher levels of gender role conflict and traditional masculine ideals have instilled negative stigmas among men towards seeking psychological help – especially for something as strongly associated with females as an eating disorder. Because of this, eating disorders in men often go undiagnosed and untreated until it’s too late. It’s also extremely difficult to know how many men these diseases actually affect.

Fortunately, organizations like Men Get Eating Disorders Too and Boy Anorexia are working tirelessly to raise awareness and create programs for men seeking help. Similarly, the Looking Glass Foundation acknowledges that anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder are diseases that affect both genders, and we do not discriminate against race, creed, or sex in our treatment programs. We are dedicated to helping young women and men get to the other side of eating disorders, because no one should have to suffer in silence or recover alone.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Sources:

National Eating Disorders Association - Males and eating disorders: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/males-and-eating-disorders

National Eating Disorders Collaboration: http://www.nedc.com.au/eating-disorders-in-males

Men Get Eating Disorders Too - personal stories: http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/stories/personal-stories

The Huffington Post - “Take One Step Forward for Male Eating Disorders” by Brian Cuban: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-cuban/men-eating-disorders_b_4150441.html

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Alison is a regular contributor to The Looking Glass’ blog, is an eating disorders survivor and is an inspiration to those around her.

One of The Looking Glass Foundation for Eating Disorders’ Founding Members, Dolores, shares part four of her family’s story as her daughter battled with an eating disorder. In this chapter, their family finds their way to the light of a new dawn and, for the first time, senses true hope for Denise's future.

Denise was severely ill and needed immediate care. As I explained in the last blog post, we needed to leave Canada in order to find the type of care she needed. At this point, she was a walking skeleton. She dressed in layers because her body temperature was so low. Her beautiful blond hair had become so thin.

When we arrived in Arizona we felt optimistic, encouraged and yet still very apprehensive. Denise was ready for the intense months of hard work ahead, but we were still both very anxious.

Upon our arrival we were greeted with open arms and instantly introduced to Denise’s new nurse. While it was impossibly hard for me to say goodbye to Denise, the genuine love and care I could feel from the staff made me feel more confident than ever before that she was in good hands.

While she was in recovery I prayed daily for wisdom for the treatment team and strength for our family throughout this challenging time. It was still frustrating to me that my daughter was so many hundreds of miles away. I still couldn’t believe that the support she needed wasn’t available in our own city, or our own country.

During Denise’s first week of treatment we had no contact from her but we could send her faxes expressing our love for her. This disconnect was very hard for us and yet we had full trust in the team there that they knew what they were doing.  

Over time, Denise earned telephone time and we also set up a schedule for weekly family therapy sessions. While she was on a nasal feeding tube for the first week, it became evident that she was making substantial progress quickly. Even within a few weeks she had her first ‘activity challenge’ on the high ropes course. We could hardly believe this was our daughter considering not many weeks earlier, she wasn’t well enough to even go for a walk.

With each phone call and family therapy session that passed it seemed that Denise had more clarity and was so much happier.

Six weeks into the program, our entire family flew to Arizona to participate in a one-week family therapy session with Denise. The theme of this very spiritual week of healing was “Truth and Love,” and it proved to be a life-altering week for all the families involved. Family

Before we knew it, we were putting plans in place for Denise’s aftercare – which is an essential part of recovery. Recognizing the gaps in support in our own city, we began looking elsewhere for a therapist and found an incredible one in the Okanagan Valley. So we relocated part of our lives to Vernon and Denise came home and began spending time with Christina, her new therapist.

Over the next few years, Denise and Christina walked through her recovery together but then, all at once, we began to realize one of our worst fears was coming true. Bulimia was rearing its ugly head in Denise’s life.

She had been working the closing shift at a local coffee shop. With lots of access to food, she was allowed to bring home whatever baking was left over at the end of the day. We were completely naieve to what was happening because all we were focused on was being thankful that she was eating again at all.

When we did come face-to-face with the facts, we were terrified. Christina, however, explained to us that this was not a death sentence – we could work through this. Utilizing the tools Denise and our family had learned in Arizona, Denise was able to gradually change her behaviours and overcome bulimia.

Many years have passed and Denise now has her own successfully make-up artistry business. She  lives on her own and is making her way through life in a very positive way. It`s wonderful to see the excitement and zest of life back in her eyes, we are truly grateful!   

There were many struggles along the way and we did what was needed to save our daughter.  Our only enduring source of frustration over this ten year journey, was consistently struggling to find the essential help Denise needed in our own backyard. As I walked this journey, I made some very precious friends who understood all to well what I was experiencing with Denise and our family. I became close with two very special moms, Cindy and Deborah. Bonded by common experience as well as common frustration, we committed ourselves to being a voice for others going through the torment of having a child that is sick with an eating disorder. We committed ourselves to making a change in our city and in our country so that no one else would have to look across a border to receive the support they need to overcome their eating disorder.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Check out Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 of Dolores’ family’s courageous story of hope and recovery from an eating disorder. Stay tuned for more coming soon.

Join acclaimed restauranteur, cookbook author and Vancouver legend, Chef John Bishop, as he ventures back to his Irish culinary roots. This carefully crafted tour highlights the very best of culinary experiences ranging from traditional pub fare to gastronomic feasts. True to John’s passion, we will be sourcing locally produced foodstuffs and meeting with local farmers along the way.

From the spectacular coast of Northern Ireland to the charming, cobblestoned streets in the South, this two week tour offers the best that Ireland has to offer, including stays at the majestic Ashford Castle, grand country estates, and even a lakeside resort. Watch and listen as we weave together the history, culture and cuisine of John’s beloved Emerald Isle. Those with time on their side and a penchant for wild oysters are invited to join us for an optional 4 night extension to participate in the famous Galway Oyster festival.

Included in the cost of this trip is a $500 donation to the Looking Glass Foundation for Eating Disorders. Traveling with a purpose - does life get any better?


JWH Ireland Poster_LookingGlassFoundation.pub

Click here to download the brochure with itinerary and other details. Click here to download the registration form.

See you in Ireland!

 

It's that time of year again - store fonts turn spooky, pumpkins become jack-o-lanterns, and people of all ages slip into disguise. It's thrilling to think that with a few smears of make-up and a clever costume, you can become whoever (or whatever) you want. You can even take on the identity of the very thing that scares you most: a vampire, an axe murderer, a ghost, or even a cackling clown. If you're really good, you can convince - or at least impress - the most scathing of skeptics.

Some of us live for the day we can shed our skin and become someone else for a change. For others, however, a disguised identity is the norm. I'm not talking about spies, undercover agents, or even full-time mascots - I'm talking about the anorexics and bulimics that walk and talk among us, often unseen or unrecognized, posing as normal, carefree members of the crowd. They could be teammates in your soccer league. They could be sitting next to you in class or on the bus. They could be your neighbours, co-workers, or friends. They could even be members of your family.

Anorexia and bulimia are diseases of shame and isolation. The person suffering with this disease does everything in secret. This is done out of a deeply rooted fear that, if anyone found them out, they might level the harshest of judgments. So they conceal their bizarre routines of life and let others see only normal, happy humans.

I wore the "I'm fine" mask for years, while in truth I was internally corroding. I put up what I thought was a convincing facade of vivacity and wit, while behind it I waged a war of self-destruction. Beneath layers of baggy clothes and a make-up force field, I was laid waste by the angry lies played incessantly in my head. It was like a Halloween costume turned inside out, with the skeleton on the inside beneath a normal human disguise. I really was the walking dead. Oddly enough, my “I’m Fine” mask was scarier than any of my other costumes over the years.

But thankfully, after my years of recovery, I’m no longer in hiding. I can be my true self again, no masks or disguises. I’m no longer a full-time ghost, skeleton, witch, or zombie. This Halloween, I can put on a scary costume just for fun and laugh, because the rest of the time I’m free and proud to be truly me.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Alison is a regular contributor to The Looking Glass’ blog, is an eating disorders survivor and is an inspiration to those around her.

By Kelsey Klassen - WE Vancouver
Published: October 10, 2013 1:00 PM

You wouldn't expect laughter in the living room of a family affected by eating disorder, yet it's bouncing loudly off the pale walls.

Sisters and roommates Melissa, 23 and Amy Quinn, 27, are seated next to each other — one on a stool, the other on the window seat of their Burnaby basement suite. They blush when it becomes apparent how loud their parents, Gerry and Nicky, have to speak to be heard from where they are seated, on a couch far across the room.

Melissa Quinn
Melissa Quinn, here with her sister Amy, began suffering from disordered eating at the age of 14. At age 18, she nearly died. She speaks about her journey and how the Looking Glass Foundation helped save her life.

Everyone laughs as they apologize, and then the story of Melissa's survival begins.

A "go-getter" from birth, Melissa excelled at sport. By grade eight, soccer had emerged victorious, leaving dance and figure skating in a spangly heap.

Her family was a busy 21st century paradigm: Amy had a job and Melissa played soccer at night. Dad worked in construction and mom as an office manager. Dinners couldn't always be eaten together; the sisters weren't overly close.

So when Melissa graduated in 2008 and moved to Victoria to play varsity soccer, the family vowed to make an effort to better keep in touch.

But constant contact didn't prepare them for a first semester phone call from Melissa's coach, saying their daughter couldn't play soccer any more. Her eating disorder had taken that away from her.

Melissa was in full denial, but on her last day as a University of Victoria Vike — the day she was officially deemed too weak to play — she had eaten the equivalent of half a piece of fruit, some celery sticks and a spoonful of tuna.

For the team coach, it wasn't the first time she had been forced to make that phone call. For Melissa's parents, the suspicions were all but confirmed when their formerly fit 18-year-old daughter came home in November, gaunt and 30 lbs lighter.

Just beginning to grapple with a disease that had been secretly seducing their daughter since she was 14, the family was set adrift in a sea of best practices: Privacy was a forgotten privilege as someone stood by the open door each time Melissa went to the bathroom; every dinner was taken together; they went for nightly walks to distract her from her obsession. Yet her condition rapidly worsened.

She would find ways to be sneaky and manipulative, and believed everybody was trying to make her fat. By May, Melissa was dying.

After months of electrocardiograms, blood work and waiting for her to be medically "sick enough", her doctor advised them to rush her to the hospital. Melissa wanted to go to her dentist appointment and go home.

Her heart rate was 22 beats per minute; her parents were terrified. In the hospital waiting room, two ambulance drivers and two nurses with a crash cart never took their eyes off her. Melissa's organs, memory and speech were failing.

Gerry took two months off work so he and his wife could spend shifts with Melissa through that first hospitalization. They were quickly becoming experts on the disease insiders nickname Ed.

Melissa was in Langley Memorial for a month, St. Paul's for eight, Vista House for another four, and then she attempted to go back to school.

It wasn't long before she relapsed, however, and found herself in a Victoria psych ward for seven months, under the care of Dr. Cliff Duncalf.

"I was so anxious to go back to school that I did everything in a rush," Melissa says, somberly. "I thought [the eating disorder] was just slowing me down; I was ticked about it. Until I saw Dr. Duncalf and realized that this was my life."

Eventually, she was given a choice: back to St. Paul's, or off to Woodstone, a new residential treatment facility — the first of its kind in Canada.

She didn't want to return to St. Paul's. While it had saved her life once, she had seen people there for their third and fourth times and it scared her. She couldn't picture it being any different for her.

And her parents were skeptical — every time Melissa had been far from home, she had gotten worse. But they had seen progress under Dr. Duncalf, and trusted his advice. So they placed all their faith in a facility that hadn't even opened yet and Melissa became one of the first 10 patients to check into the Looking Glass Foundation's tranquil Woodstone retreat.

"Our mantra was, 'Would you leave your child here?'" says Looking Glass Foundation president and co-founder Deborah Grimm.

Woodstone-April-2009-018Grimm and two others — Dolores Elliott and Cindy Dobbe — whose daughters had eating disorders, had all been forced to send their children out of country for treatment. At an expense of $1,200 to $2,000 a day, some even had to mortgage their homes to do so.

They came together to create a level of service that didn't previously exist in Canada, and formed the Looking Glass Foundation in 2002. It began with summer camps and support groups, and in 2010, grew through fundraising to include medically supervised, round-the-clock residential care.

"We finally found a beautiful property on Galiano Island, which had formerly been an inn. We had raised enough money that we were able, with assistance, to buy it. All the way along we were trying to have a conversation with the government. Eventually, a relationship was created and the light bulb went on. Everybody could see that this was a win-win. We started with 10 publicly funded beds with the knowledge that there would be 10 out-of-province and other funded beds down the road. We're in that process of expanding our services."

Care at Woodstone focuses on young people, ages 17-24, who suffer from anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, or eating disorders otherwise unspecified, and centers specifically on early intervention.

"Eating disorders have the highest rate of death of all mental illness," Grimm cautions. "We're a hand to hold in the moment you're trying to find your way."

Having completed the program in September of 2011, Melissa is now two years recovered.

While the competitive environment of university-level soccer is what propelled her disorder into overdrive ("your push ups are numbered, your sit ups are numbered, and your timing is known to everyone"), it began slowly and insidiously, years earlier, around body image issues, fad diets, graduation. Melissa turns to Amy and admits for the first time that it was also partially wanting to be like her "beautiful, skinny" older sister.

The triggers are personal and, in some cases, chemical, the disorder rooted not in aversion to food, but rather serving as a quick fix for an under-stocked emotional toolbox.

"I know I can be anorexic and I know where that gets me and not being like that is still really scary. As much as I've been out of treatment, it's still hard, the thought of being completely... normal?"

She avoids mirrors and goes to therapy twice a month (sometimes once a week when she starts feeling the call of Ed), but she's working at a restaurant part-time — something she never thought she'd be confident enough to do again — and studying business at SFU.

And she's gone back to Woodstone a number of times to speak at the house. "I'm so passionate about it because I never had that. Being in St. Paul's and seeing the people who were there again and again... You never see the people who get out. That's why I felt so negative about it a lot of the time — it was either you're in the hospital or you're dead. No one lives with an eating disorder, right? [But] you can get better and live a normal life. It's not rainbows and butterflies, but it's possible."

“This is a family disease,” my father told me solemnly, “so we’ll treat it as a family.”

This was one of the first conversations my parents and I had after they finally confronted me about my eating disorder. I don’t remember much about the other conversations, but this one I recall vividly. I remember feeling trapped somewhere between paralyzing fear, tentative relief, and fiery defiance. I simultaneously hated the offer of help that I needed more than I knew, and longed for the love and support that I felt I didn’t deserve. Struggling to put this overwhelming inner battle into words, I looked my parents square in the eyes and said, “Okay. But it won’t be easy - I’m going to fight against you every step of the way.”

I can’t even imagine how this must have made my parents feel. Their eldest daughter, once so bright and eager to please, appeared to be declaring war against them. The stakes? Her life. What they didn’t seem to realize - and It's a Diseasewhat I couldn’t seem to express - was that I felt like a captive of the merciless enemy they proposed to fight. I was a prisoner inside my own head, watching myself slowly starve and exercise to death but unable to stop, no matter what I tried.

What most people don’t understand is that an eating disorder isn’t a choice, misguided or otherwise. It isn’t a phase or a fleeting affair. It’s a disease that, like addiction, traps its victims with a host of lies and impulses that they cannot control. It consumes and controls every aspect of life until nothing but those horrendous lies remain. Though it may slip in unnoticed. sooner or later it progresses to a point where its consequences cannot be ignored. The “drug” of anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders no longer provides a sense of relief from whatever pain it used to numb - it becomes the source of the pain, only now it’s a pain that nothing else can relieve.

And yet by the time my disease had reached this point, long before my parents confronted me, I was powerless against it. I wanted to stop, but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t. I would wake up in the morning with the most iron-clad determination to eat like a normal person, but by the end of the day I would have failed miserably. I, who could apply myself brilliantly to any other task, simply could not overcome this irrational fear of gaining weight, of eating, of losing control.

This is what lay behind my words that fateful day of confrontation. It wasn’t that I wanted to rebel against my parents’ love and concern, nor that I had no desire to get well. It was that, deep down, I knew that I was powerless against my disease, and it would take so much more than this fateful conversation to beat it.

That was nearly eight years ago. But miraculously, my recovery since then has culminated in health and happiness, freedom from the agony of anorexia for the past four years. How? Through the support of a family and a few incredibly patient health practitioners who finally came to understand the true nature of my disease. Through my own personal admission of powerlessness, but not helplessness, for I had to take responsibility for my recovery even after I surrendered control. Through active surrender of my food, body weight, and exercise, trusting that the balance lifestyle I’ve learned through those who support me will sustain my body at the shape and size it’s meant to be. This disease is one I cannot fight alone, but with help, I can be free.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Alison is a regular contributor to The Looking Glass’ blog, is an eating disorders survivor and is an inspiration to those around her.

One of The Looking Glass Foundation for Eating Disorders' Founding Members, Dolores, shares part three of her family's story as her daughter battled with an eating disorder. They say the darkest moments come before the dawn, and it rings true in this story of her family's courageous pursuit of hope.

This next season was full of our family’s most arduous days where we were walking on eggshells not wanting to upset Denise. The home atmosphere was overflowing with tension, and simple conversation was guarded.

Summer included many trips to different doctors’ offices for weigh-ins, lab work and appointments with a psychotherapist.  Denise was spiralling into a very dark hole and we felt helpless.

I slowly learned about “negative self-talk” and started being able to understand that she had a voice inside telling her not to eat. I learned that the tempo and loudness of that voice is all-consuming and that it was all that she could hear.

As bizarre as it may sound, this eating disorder had taken over our daughter’s life. As time marched forwards, I continued on with a stiff upper lip and we spent many hours, days and weeks in fear of the worst.

Denise was now on a waiting list to have an assessment at Children’s Hospital. All she was told as she waited was, “Maintain your weight.”

Denise was trapped inside a world of her eating disorder and it was taking complete control of her thoughts and actions and getting the help she actually needed seemed hopeless. We didn’t know if such help even existed.

Six months later, Children's Hospital called and finally we thought that things were going to start turning around. They wanted to admitted Denise as her condition had deteriorated quickly but still there was no bed. Denise isolated from her family and friends. There were only 3 beds in the whole province and they were full.  We took a number and waited.

Denise’s weight loss continued to spiral down.

On December 12, 2000 a bed opened up at Children’s Hospital and Denise was admitted. Two weeks went by and Denise had a slight improvement and was even allowed to come home for Christmas Eve.

Finally, seven weeks after she started at Children’s Hospital, Denise sought to recover. She had researched many treatment facilities that could help her overcome this life threatening disease. She told us, “Eating more food was not going to fix the problem, I really want to get better but I need more therapy.”  She wanted more than she could be offered at Children's at that time.

We heard her plea for help and began a conversation with a treatment center in Arizona. Seven weeks after arriving at Children’s Hospital, we signed Denise’s discharge papers and got on a plane with her to fly south.

Arizona-bound, Denise slept most of the way. I spent every moment of the plane ride cherishing the time we had before I would be giving her the last hug and kiss I would get to give her for quite a while.

[dt_divider style="narrow"/]

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of Dolores' family's courageous story of hope and recovery from an eating disorder. Stay tuned for more coming soon.

chevron-downchevron-down-circle linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram