During these unprecedented, ever-changing times, we want to reassure you that Looking Glass Foundation board and staff are deeply committed to continuing our support for those impacted by eating disorders.
We recognize that this time may be challenging and anxiety provoking in unique ways for those living with eating disorders particularly due to the panic around grocery shopping, and in some areas, restricted access to food. We also understand that eating disorders thrive in isolation and we want to emphasize that despite the need to practice social distancing at this time, you are not alone.
The Looking Glass Foundation programs are still open. If you, or someone you know, are suffering during these challenging times, please reach out to us. We are here to help.
A note about the Looking Glass Residence: Looking Glass residents have been transitioned home and the staff are offering pre and post program supports, and the Caregiver Support group, by virtual means only. All Looking Glass Residence admissions are suspended until further notice. The Residence will continue to receive, and process, referrals at this time.
Due to the increased demand for our programs, we are actively looking for peer support volunteers who are passionate about helping those with eating disorders and mental health issues.
For more information and to apply to volunteer, visit: www.lookingglassbc.com/volunteer
We are also asking for your help to ensure that our programs are available to all who reach out for support. COVID-19 is impacting us financially, in large part due to having to cancel this year’s Gala, which last year raised $400,000. We already have wait lists, which was to be our Gala funding focus this year. We are asking for your support and deeply grateful for any donations, big or small, we receive at this time. To make a donate or learn how to support us in other ways, please visit: https://www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9576
We will all get through this together and we know that we will be stronger as a result.
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” Mr. Rogers
As I sat down to write this the very first thing I did was take a deep breath. Even as a trained therapist I am not immune to the panic that is taking place all around us right now and the act of remembering to breathe is often one of the simplest but most useful tools we can implement. Do you think you could take a deep breath right now as you read this? The emotional climate right now is an uncertain and anxious one and for all the challenge that brings, if you look for it, you will also see there are a lot of helpers. My hope is that through the Looking Glass Foundation’s many resources, and through our community at large you will realize you are not alone as we all go through this global pandemic that is triggering at large, and also presents some unique experiences to individuals experiencing an eating disorder.
It feels like in the past week the world became an unfamiliar place. Things we once felt were safe or a given, have been challenged and the steps we were perhaps taking with great care can feel or look different right now than we expect or want. Some of those changes will likely feel very triggering because it may mean giving up some of the ways we comfort ourselves, and also some of the ways we comfort our eating disorders. This will be hard, and I also believe you have the capacity to get through it.
Take for example, what we see happening at all of our grocery stores. Shelves are left empty as people are mass purchasing items out of fear. While it has been reported that there are no supply issues with our food and basic needs, it doesn’t change people worrying that they won’t be able to look after themselves or their families. When we see others panic, it often causes us to panic and the whole cycle continues. When working through recovery this can be even more challenging because it can create a scarcity mindset which can either look very familiar to how we treated ourselves in our eating disorder, or it can trigger more binge like behaviors. Your responsibility to yourself right now is to remind yourself that for the many ways that COVID-19 is affecting your quality of life, food doesn’t need to be one of them. Order your food in advance and have it delivered. Remove yourself from the experience of being in grocery stores right now and instead meal plan and purchase all your items from the comfort of your own computer. It helps eliminate decisions in the moment and means you don’t have to experience other people’s emotions and reactions in an environment that can be challenging at the best of time. Remember that retreating into your eating disorder behaviors isn’t going to make these uncertain times more certain.
If there is anything needed more than ever right now it is kindness. Kindness to yourself, kindness to your family and friends, and kindness to your community. Be gentle with yourself. If there is any time to soften it is now. Drop your eating disorder’s harmful expectations and replace them with messages of support and acknowledgment that it is okay to be feeling lots of different emotions in this experience. This is especially true if you are having to give up some familiar comforts like going to your local yoga studio or gym for example. Routines have to change and it is absolutely okay to have lots of different feelings about that. It is also a time to seek out the kindness in others to support yourself as you navigate not only your usual triggers and challenges but also these new ones. The odd thing about right now is that we need community more than ever, while also having to physically distance ourselves from people as much as possible. What I want to remind you of is that social distance doesn’t mean social isolation. The more you virtually connect with people right now the more you will have space to process all that you are going through – something that research shows has a tremendously positive effect on one’s immune system. My biggest recommendation as you navigate these unknown waters is to reach out to us so we can support you in your recovery and anything else you are experiencing. We are here to remind you that you will be okay, that we will get through this, and also that you are not alone.
Now more than ever we need to practice self-care to the very depths of our being. There will be parts of this experience that will be undeniably hard, and will challenge you in ways you may not feel prepared for. You are. And that is also why we are here, so that when life gets tough, or when you feel triggered, you have people you can turn to who care about you and can help you through it. So whatever your experience may be over these next few weeks or months, please reach out. We are here to support you.
Kaela Scott is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who specializes in Eating Disorders. She runs her own private practice and works with the Looking Glass Foundation in both their summer camp and their Hand In Hand Program. She has been passionate about working with eating disorders since freeing herself from her own struggle and realizing what it is like to be happy and well. When she isn’t working, you can find Kaela either cozying up with a cup of tea and her friends or up in the mountains going for a hike.
“Lets start this post off with everyone taking a deep breath. Don’t worry, I’m doing it over here, too, as I write these words."
It’s ironic, really. Ironic, as in the past- anyone who told me I needed to breathe likely was on the receiving end of invisible daggers coming from my eyes. But here we are, and I’m telling you to breathe- I’m telling myself to breathe- and I think we all could do with a reminder to just. breathe.
There is a lot going on in the world right now. Things feel heavy, and there is a lot of fear. Do you feel it too? As someone with a long-standing battle with Anxiety, it’s easy to become wrapped up and immersed in the articles, statistics, news, and conversations regarding COVID-19.
I was reflecting the other day on how this pandemic could (and likely would!) have been detrimental during my darkest days in my Eating Disorder. Feeling the need to isolate, avoiding seeing friends, spending less time in public places (I.e., food shopping at the grocery store, etc.)... Well, my Eating Disorder could very well have taken the upper hand on this situation, and used it to its advantage. I reflect with immense gratitude (and even a bit of pride!) that I’m in a place where I can make these decisions for me. I know that being social (albeit mostly virtual at this point!) is integral to my mental and physical health, as is proper nourishment, fresh air, and rest- YES, sleep is vital! And I’ve come to realize that over the past couple weeks, my sleep has taken a bit of a position on the back burner, as my anxiety levels rose and the dialogue from those surrounding me instilled that fear. This is new territory for our world as a whole; It’s scary, unnerving, unsettling, and uncomfortable.
This is a great opportunity to practice some skills that come in handy during Eating Disorder Recovery. I try to look at this all as an experiment- what can I try out today? What worked/didn’t work/felt good/didn’t feel good yesterday? How can I use this time to really get to know myself? I truly believe that these skills will be beneficial in the long run of life. I want to share them with you, as they have been a great reminder to myself these past couple weeks.
Notice how familiar these tools sound? These are all a reminder of ways you can take care of YOU- not only now with the state of the world, but also during recovery from your Eating Disorder. That’s the beautiful part of Recovery - you become so self aware of what you need/don’t need, and how to prioritize yourself and your mental health.
Try to lessen any judgement toward yourself and bring self-compassion into your personal dialogue. It’s important to be aware of the nature of the situation at our hands; however, I encourage you to protect your heart and mind during this anxiety provoking time, if you find yourself overwhelmed in fear. Take care of you!
Sierra is a student on the journey & discovery of life, dedicated to seeking out the little joys in each and every day. She is passionate about Mental Health, and currently exploring her future of hoping to support those with Mental Illnesses and Eating Disorders in a professional way. You can often find her exploring one of Vancouver’s best coffee shops, soaking up a sunset, walking by the ocean with her pup, or trying a new flavour of ice cream!
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I feel really excited by this month’s theme. Self-care is such a popular topic these days which is fantastic and I am excited to add in my two cents. To be honest, I have spent some time lately researching self-care because I have been interested in the changes that are starting to come about regarding how people are defining it. For a long time, I really believed that self-care was all about bubble baths, nice cups of tea and a solid nap on the weekend. While I still believe that those are forms of self-care, I have started to realize how self-care is actually about so much more than that. As the word implies, it is about caring for yourself. When we think of that, often what we really need to do is analyze the ways we haven’t been caring for ourselves and correct those habits. For those in the eating disorder world, the list of self-neglect is usually long. While for many slowing down to appreciate a nice cup of tea is a huge win, I do think we need to sometimes push into the forms of self-care that can be quite challenging.
For example, one of the areas that I think has self-care written all over it is our Yes’s and our No’s. Take a moment and even reflect back on the past day. How many things did you say Yes to when really you wanted to say no? How many No’s did you deliver to yourself or others when underneath you know that saying yes would have actually moved you closer to things you really want in your life? In life, but especially in recovery, our yes’s and no’s really need to matter. In other words, our self-care needs to include how we are going to start really genuinely acting in our own best interest. What would it be like to say yes to someone offering to help? How would it be to set a boundary with the loved one that keeps trying to push their agenda on you? How would it feel to actually see your recovery goal through even though it’s really hard? What would it be like to respect your actual needs and not the needs of your disorder?
These, in my mind, are all forms of self-care. They don’t sound as pretty or as relaxing as the cup of tea, but I would argue their payoff is greater. I want to be clear that a cup of tea is a beautiful way to connect with yourself and an excellent form of self-care, but I also feel we need to go deeper and see self-care as an intentional act of really bettering our relationship with ourselves and our life. So take some time this month and start looking at your self-care routine. What are the things you believe you really need to do to care for yourself so you can be as happy and as free as you want to be? Make a plan to maybe say a few more yes’s and a few more no’s this month and then see how it feels. If you need support, reach out, we are always here to help!
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Kaela Scott is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who specializes in Eating Disorders. She runs her own private practice and works with the Looking Glass Foundation in both their summer camp and their Hand In Hand Program. She has been passionate about working with eating disorders since freeing herself from her own struggle and realizing what it is like to be happy and well. When she isn’t working, you can find Kaela either cozying up with a cup of tea and her friends or up in the mountains going for a hike.
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By Sabrina Banadyga, Head of Marketing at Sympli[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_single_image image="10740" img_size="full"][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_column_text]
I’m beyond grateful to be in this place in my life, able to look back at how far I’ve travelled on the dirt road to recovery from anorexia with a sense of pride, gratitude and resilience. Resilience is a muscle after-all, and at this point I’m feeling pretty ripped.
Healing happened in experiences that no doctor prescribed for me. Of course, I did the standard western medicine approach with a cadence of doctor visits, eating disorder therapy and nutrition support, and they played an important role in my recovery. However, for me the most transformational healing happened during the in between moments over the last couple of decades.
My therapist called me saying that her nanny was sick, and she would need to bring her baby with her to the appointment, she was happy to reschedule, or we could wing it and see how it went. I sat across from her as I usually did every week, trying to get to the heart of what was causing my anorexia, this time was different though. A cooing and fussing baby was in the room, at first an annoyance and trigger as I was told by medical professionals that I had a slim chance of ever having children. It was a reminder of another thing I couldn’t have, another reason to punish myself and my body. As I was telling my therapist about my latest strategy to measure my weight loss as I didn’t trust the mirror, scale or my draping clothing, she lifted her fussing baby to her breast to feed her. I was speechless. The ultimate in giving and receiving pure sustenance. No issue, primal.
Hunger. Feed. Repeat.
Could nourishing myself be that simple? It once was, and I wanted that simplicity again.
“What are you trying to do, disappear?” said my father when I finally had the courage to come forward to him about my eating disorder, asking for help. Well yes, actually. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
It’s been a process of unravelling generational belief systems in my family. Those of perfectionism, not being enough, scarcity. I’ve since found reverence for those that have come before me that didn’t have the resources, community, and encouragement to be honest and vulnerable about their experiences. I’ve continued to choose the path of vulnerability and openness about my experiences, it’s been transformational and healing. Rarely easy but each time I feel a lightness, shedding another layer in the process to recovery. Constantly moving from shame to vulnerability and courage might take a lifetime and I’m ok with that as long as I can continue to feel one moment further ahead than the last. [/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_single_image image="10741" img_size="full" alignment="center"][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_column_text]
Crossing the threshold to motherhood was an unexpected wave, maybe more like a riptide. As I was told I would have a slim chance of having a child I lived my life accordingly. Career. Travel. Love. Adventure. I relapsed into a form of anorexia more times than I could count from each move, failure, broken bone, broken heart. I relapsed because it was a place I could call home amidst the turmoil of life. Then resilience, faith, and love would kick in and once again I would be one moment further ahead on my journey.
Then one day in 2015 I said yes to becoming a mother, little did I know what a healing journey it would be. I was terrified that my past with anorexia would trigger a relapse as I watched my body grow and change and expand. Instead what I felt was a different purpose, a responsibility to feed this inner child in spite of my struggle to feed my own. I gained weight and loved my bump and curves and their purpose for being there. A level of body acceptance and reverence for the profound capability of my body settled in, one that I had never experienced before.
Breastfeeding her became a reminder of the primal simplicity of eating. Hunger. Feed. Repeat. I am conscious of the energy of food and the process of eating, ensuring that Malia listens to her body. Now that she is at the fierce age of 4 (and me, fiercely 40ish) I strive to teach her (and myself) the importance of listening to the body.
Quiet. Are you hungry? Are you full? What does your body tell you? Let’s listen.
Motherhood. Career. Travel. Love. Adventure. It just looks different now, a different body, one that is stronger and more capable than I gave it credit for. One that created a beautiful little girl and continues to have the resilience and courage to show up to (almost) every moment with her. And for those moments that I don’t show up as intended, I have so much more compassion, love and forgiveness for myself than I knew was possible.
With gratitude to the community of friends and family that continue to lift me up to reach new heights each time I fall. And to Sympli for employing me to be a part of a clothing line promoting body positivity where comfort equals confidence in your skin and your clothes. Sympli is about being free to explore a life you’ve created, to reinvent the rules to suit your personality, this I can really get behind.[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="15px"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image="10742" img_size="full" alignment="center"][vc_empty_space height="15px"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]A heartfelt thank you to Sabrina for sharing her story and to the wonderful team at Sympli – for giving so much, and in so many ways.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_separator][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_column_text]
Sympli is a Canadian fashion manufacturer that feels we should all be accountable for holding women’s body image with kindness and respect. Sympli believes that everyone should be aware of their power to create an impact, and this shared belief is what brought Sympli and the Looking Glass Foundation together. Believing that "all women should love who they are without compromise", Sympli manufacturers an extensive line of flattering clothing that is is designed with purpose, and crafted with heart. They want women to wear clothes as a compliment to their individual personality, mood and purpose – and to dispel the myth that they would be happier with a 'perfect body'. Not only are they redefining how the fashion industry can make women feel good about themselves ... they are also showing women how to take back their power and create positive change. May the movement grow and flourish!
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Interview with Barbie Holmes | A Collaborative Blog with Barbie Holmes x Sympli x Looking Glass
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My recovery began when I decided to leave a verbally abusive toxic first marriage. Always a pleaser and one to avoid conflict, I took a very bold step in leaving. At my lowest I found the strength to walk away. Eventually, I started putting myself first, started to realize I was worthy of more, was worthy of abundance and most importantly worthy of love. This began to open up my capacity to love myself and to also extend my love to those close to me. I decided to embrace cooking and the joy of community in “breaking bread” with family and friends. I tried to make food an ally. It became an opportunity to experiment and to create and share the results with my loved ones. The kitchen became a happy place instead of a place of threat. Surprisingly, I wasn’t overeating or abusing food. With an open book to experiment and create different dishes I lost the urge to overeat. While in my mind I felt I had stopped abusing food, I was still identifying as a person with an eating disorder, constantly looking over my shoulder, thinking this was all too good to be true. I continued to criticize my body size and shape and made exercise a priority to offset any consumption of food.
After the sudden and unexpected passing of my sister I finally decided to reach out for professional help. The loss of her life affected me profoundly and with the harsh reality of her not waking up to a brand new day, I felt a gauntlet had been tossed to me, and it was time to figure things out, to once and for all deal with the emotional issues masked behind the fixation with food. I worked through a recovery program which made me dig deeply into the emotional side of my eating disorder. I had to learn to stop identifying as a person with an eating disorder and start identifying as a person of worth, of beauty, of uniqueness, perfectly imperfect.
This hard work led to a pivotal point in my life…..where I was figuring out what was eating me instead of fixating on what I was eating.
Reframing my thoughts and identity, at the age of 57, I opened up room for vulnerability and courage in realizing a life-long dream and launched a new career as a lifestyle model.
At my heaviest weight and at an age where most people are retiring, I walked through a wall of fear and the unknown, no longer a person with an eating disorder, but as a person of worth.
My physical appearance was no longer my adversary, but the tool, the vessel, through which to achieve my dream. Many people wanted to know my story, how I had rewired and reinvented myself at midlife.
In sharing my story of realizing a life-long dream to be a model I had to not only tell the story of the emotional abuse I had overcome, but also tell the story of the self-inflicted abuse of disordered eating. I had never before told a soul about my bulimia, I had never shared the shame with anyone. On the outside, I appeared to have my act together, happy and well-adjusted, which was a façade of defense in protecting myself from revealing my truth.
Once I began telling my story, the eating disorder no longer had power over me. The burden was cast off and my defensive shield was lowered.[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_single_image image="10725" img_size="full" alignment="center"][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_column_text]
Stop identifying as someone with an eating disorder. Redefine your identity as someone of beauty and talent, worthy of love and abundance. Reach out for professional help such as the Looking Glass Foundation. Talk to someone you trust and tell your story. By being vulnerable and talking about your recovery journey the disorder loses its power. Back away from toxic people and relationships. Remove yourself from social media messages that trigger disordered eating and body shaming. Join a social media support group to help you through your recovery.
The biggest regret I have is pretending everything was okay and not opening up about my bulimia. I thought I could fix this problem on my own. If I could just be on a diet and not binge and purge I’d be alright. I would reset and start again, follow the diet, exercise for hours every day, but invariably, I’d binge, and the enormous guilt led me to purge and then the vicious cycle continued.
I felt so much shame and felt everyone would pass judgement on my mental illness. In reality, I was so wrong. There are people who care and people who don’t pass judgement, who see beyond the stigma. In my experience, aside from professional help, daily journaling centering upon gratitude helps me immensely.
The greatest challenge for me was to stop identifying as a person with an eating disorder. I needed to stop using it an excuse for self-limiting thoughts and expectations to prevail. Language holds great power and I had to turn that power to my benefit. It was a challenge for me to grasp that I am right where I am supposed to be at this moment. Our greatest power over our thoughts and our identity are in the here and now. Not in the past, not in what we may be in the future.
Throughout my journey, if my self- esteem gets low, fear and anxiety take hold and I start to feel helpless and worthless. In this lonely, dark space food was always the drug of choice in suppressing the pain. Through frequent journaling I am able to unload thoughts and emotions before they look to food for release. Learning to identify the emotion behind the food diffuses setbacks. With my first waking thoughts I express gratitude for the gift of a new day. With my final thoughts before I go to sleep, I express gratitude for all that was given to me in that day. Stopping to recalibrate in the present moment gives me clarity in choosing how I frame my thinking and emotions.
Through recovery I have learned to avoid triggers that sabotage a healthy relationship with food and body image. I set safe boundaries around toxic people and use social media as a means to empower myself and others. I don’t weigh myself and refuse to give a number the power to affect my mood for the day. I stay away from any diet or exercise regime that is a short term fix and is unsustainable long-term. I have learned to eat and exercise intuitively, working with my body not against her by setting extreme measures.
I am in a life-long relationship with food and with my body. It is not one sided. I need to listen to her and treat her with the respect she deserves which includes making healthy food choices and exercising her in way that is of benefit to her.
With this balance in mind, and with gratitude firmly planted, I am able to maintain a long-term lifestyle, rather than jumping from one short-term fix to another which are set up for failure as they are not sustainable.[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="15px"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image="10727" img_size="full" alignment="center"][vc_empty_space height="15px"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]
The turning point for me in realizing I needed to fully heal my relationship with food and body image once and for all was reading a book called The Goddess Revolution by Mel Wells. In this book she takes a deep look at the toxicity of an image driven society, diet culture and extreme exercise programs. Food and diets are not the issue, but rather the emotion and psychological issues behind the food. In order to heal, you must feel!!
Her message struck a chord in me as I realized that my fixation with diet and exercise was a façade for personal, deep psychological and emotional issues stemming from years of emotional abuse in my first marriage. Will power alone was not going to heal my relationship with food and body image.
I took the time to let my body tell me when it was hungry and to identify the emotion behind the sensation to eat. Was it hunger or was it filling an emotional void? No foods are off limits. No restrictive scheduling. No scales. And, you know what? I didn’t gain a bunch of weight. I didn’t sit and eat sugar and carbs day and night. I intuitively learned to nourish my body with good healthy food because that’s what fuels her and makes her feel good.
I have also learned that, every once in a while, she loves the pleasure of indulgent food and if it’s overdone, she lets me know she doesn’t feel very well. She doesn’t like too much sugar or too much fat or too much alcohol. She loves to play outdoors, swim, golf, ski, skate, walk, hike….you get the picture? I treat her as my best friend. In order for us to live in harmony there has to be a common sense, flexible plan in place and for us it is intuitive eating and exercise. At midlife, nutrition and exercise are of great importance to me and I take time to stay abreast of valuable information, but not obsess about it.
I begin and end each and every day with thoughts of gratitude. Even in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep I practice gratitude. I make my daily walks with mindful meditation and journaling a priority. I incorporate strength training and flexibility, but not obsessively. Balance and moderation are key words in my self-care vocabulary. I say no to people and tasks that are too much for me. I set aside space to create. Painting and writing are very important to me. Spending quality time with family and friends fills my love tank. If I wake up and I really don’t feel like walking or exercising, (which is rare) it is okay. If I choose to eat a cookie or a bag of chips, it is okay. If I choose to say no to a job, it is okay. It is okay to stop and rest along the journey. I am beyond trying to prove I have willpower. I know I have willpower. I hid a secret for decades. That takes will power. I put the power of my freedom to choice first and with that come grace- the grace to forgive and move forward. To me, this is the most valuable self-love act I can give myself.
The Sympli Brand is a perfect “fit” for me. Sympli views personal style as the art of self-expression. We are all unique and Sympli embodies that idea in its designs. Who says you have to play by the rules? We are constantly evolving as women, not playing by the rules. I stand with Sympli in saying to the world, “This is me! Timeless with a bit of an edge.”
I am empowered by Sympli’s Canadian founder who set out to create clothes to inspire women of all ages and body types to be their most confident, most inspired selves. In my opinion, comfort equals confidence. In your skin, in your clothes. In a few days I will turn 60 years old. It’s freeing to explore this life I’ve created, to reinvent the rules to suit my personality. Sympli’s mission supports me in this pursuit.
I applaud the partnership Sympli has established with The Looking Glass Foundation which supports individuals struggling with eating disorders through innovative and accessible programs and services that decrease isolation, instill hope, and sustain recovery. This cause is near and dear to my heart. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have access to a Foundation that is aware of the harsh realities of eating disorders, the stigma that exists around this mental illness, and the work that still needs to be done in addressing treatment access and gaps. All of their work is grounded in hope, compassion, accessibility and accountability. Knowing this, they continue the fight against eating disorders, while sharing the message that recovery is possible.
A heartfelt thank you to Barbie Holmes for sharing her story and to the wonderful team at Sympli – for giving so much, and in so many ways.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/barbieholmes[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_separator][vc_empty_space height="15px"][vc_column_text]
Sympli is a Canadian fashion manufacturer that feels we should all be accountable for holding women’s body image with kindness and respect. Sympli believes that everyone should be aware of their power to create an impact, and this shared belief is what brought Sympli and the Looking Glass Foundation together. Believing that "all women should love who they are without compromise", Sympli manufacturers an extensive line of flattering clothing that is is designed with purpose, and crafted with heart. They want women to wear clothes as a compliment to their individual personality, mood and purpose – and to dispel the myth that they would be happier with a 'perfect body'. Not only are they redefining how the fashion industry can make women feel good about themselves ... they are also showing women how to take back their power and create positive change. May the movement grow and flourish!
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By Shaely Ritchey
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard –
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.”
― Emily Dickinson
As we approach the time of year when we focus on raising awareness for eating disorders, many conversations will be held about what work there is left for us to do to create needed change around how we treat eating disorders in Canada and elsewhere. There have been many steps forward when it comes to supporting individuals and families struggling with these conditions, but there is still a great deal that needs to change in our healthcare system and the wider culture when it comes to our relationship with food, our bodies, as well as how we talk about and treat mental illness. To look at the work that is left before us as a country and in our communities can feel daunting at times, even impossible. It parallels the way in which recovery can seem impossibly far away if we are looking at the end goal instead of focusing on the single step before us. Change is often slow, confusing, painful… and possible. Always possible. It is hope that takes us towards what is possible and it is hope that is the most important thing to nourish and hold onto when we talk about creating change.
In my own life, I feel as though I have had consider the topic of hope from different angles – as a patient, a professional, and an advocate for mental health and eating disorders. In my own journey, there have been many times when hope has felt impossibly far away, a foreign concept that is hard to imagine. And yet, it was always with me even if I had a limited sense of it. It was Alexander Pope who said, “hope springs eternal in the human heart.” In darker times this phrase to me seemed off base - it did not capture what I felt when depression took hold and a different life seemed far away. But even if I could not see it in the moment, hope was always with me. It was in the act of getting up every morning and continuing on when it felt impossible, in each choice to try again, in those who supported me, and in each small step I took towards change. Like the smallest seed planted deep within the soil, I may not have had a sense of it, but its roots were reaching, slowly unfurling under the soil until it became more present again – in bloom so to speak. While it made it more challenging, I didn’t necessarily have to have a sense of hope as a clear image. I only needed to remain curious and open to the possibility of change, and hope could grow from there.
As a professional working in the healthcare system and an advocate seeking to create change within it, I am often in the position of offering hope to others or providing comfort in its seeming absence. I thank my own experiences for understanding how precious this role is. In this work, my perspective on hope shifts from a smaller, personal view, to a broader sense of it – both its importance and what makes it a challenge to hold onto. Change within systems such as healthcare is slow and when it comes to eating disorders and related mental health struggles, it feels even slower (even when it is obvious change that is needed and people are suffering without it). This is often frustrating. It is painful to feel the constraints of systemic limitations, failures, and gaps in care where people fall through the cracks all too often. This feels all the more present with eating disorders where there is limited research, innovation, funding, and services available for those who desperately need support as well as a great deal of stigma that persists. So much needs to change, which is why this time of year when we collectively raise our voices to speak to these issues, is so critical. As patients, families, professionals, advocates, organizations, and service providers, our voices together push to create the change that is needed. It is so important to raise awareness, but I think it is most important to do this in the context of hope.
This past decade there have been a number of recommendations, calls to action, and some significant steps forward in treating eating disorders in this province. Still, many things haven’t moved forward in years and many of the recommendations that exist on paper do not exist in practice and it is patients and families that suffer for it. The thing is, eating disorders are not a selective issue, they can and do affect anyone, and treatment often does not reflect the diversity of experiences that people with eating disorders have. There is still a great deal of stigma and misunderstanding surrounding these conditions, which again makes it hard for people to access the support they need. Eating disorders are often associated with other mental health conditions, and they have serious, potentially fatal, consequences. In the past few months alone, I personally know of several individuals who have been lost unnecessarily or struggled to gain access to sufficient, appropriate, and timely support. Harder still, I imagine every person reading this can think of others we have lost from our communities or who are still struggling to access support. All of this can weigh heavily on us when we look at change and how possible it feels on an individual or systems level. Which is why when we are fighting to create change, it is so important to be kind to ourselves, to look at the next step before us if the whole picture is too overwhelming to face, to acknowledge the heaviness of this work, and to always come back to hope and the things that nourish it for us. Because change is possible, and recovery is possible. Because human beings are resilient, tenacious, and capable. Because there is always hope, whether it is a thing with feathers, a single step forward, or a buried seed deep within the soil.
In this season of raising awareness for eating disorders, I hope we can all take the time to nourish our individual and collective sense of hope amidst calls for needed change. To watch that sense of hope flourish and grow and to always keep fighting for it.
Shaely is a registered nurse with interest in further education in nursing or medicine. She is also a passionate mental health advocate in her community. In her spare time she loves taking photographs, getting outdoors, and petting as many dogs as she can.
By Alyson Hoy
As we enter into a new decade, I feel profoundly grateful to no longer be in the vice grip of anorexia nervosa as I once was, and yet, alongside the important steps I’ve made towards healing in recent years comes the recognition that recovery is a complex, ambiguous, and nonlinear process. We know that slip-ups and setbacks are part and parcel of the journey. Painful and destructive though they may be, the behaviours that make up an eating disorder are incredibly stubborn and difficult to shake once and for all, in so far as our identities are often intimately bound up with and can seem inextricable from the illness. For those of us who suffer, it can be terrifying to contemplate who we are, or, indeed, who we might become without our eating disorders. To be diagnosed is to be labelled, circumscribed, made smaller, put into a box. And yet, a diagnosis can also bring with it a sense of safety, meaning, and validation as well as the comfort and relief that we have, at last, been seen. In a society where we are so often made to feel that we are not enough, or that we are less than or lacking in some significant way, to be able to meet the discriminating criteria of an eating disorder, and thus to be recognized by medical authorities as “legitimately sick,” can feel tremendously gratifying. It can feel like we are finally succeeding at something, like we are finally getting this one thing right.
This year, for Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I want to try to think about and candidly explore, to the extent that it is possible, one of the more ambivalent, problematic, and difficult to articulate aspects of recovery, which is that it is still very possible to want to hold onto the illness even as we acknowledge and genuinely desire to break free of the immense suffering it causes. In my own struggles I have felt and lived this ambivalence, wanting desperately to be well, on the one hand, yet, on the other hand, being too frightened to relinquish my anorexia as a way of being in the world. Contrary, perhaps, to pervasive cultural and clinical views that position anorexia as centrally about the body and so as tied intrinsically to the visual; i.e., a relentless quest for thinness whose desired end goal is total emaciation, my understanding, generated both from my lived experience of the illness as well as from my own comprehensive academic inquiry, is, precisely, that it is a way of living through distress, and because this is so, requires continual effort and management. To be anorexic is to continually be in process – living with, through, and inside the illness. It is, simultaneously, to be desiring anorexia and despairing over it and to be reproducing that desire and despair day-by-day, as part of one’s being and still endless becoming. There is no future-oriented end point to this illness since there is no degree of thinness that could ever be enough. Rather, anorexia – enacted with the body but never simply about the body – is a means for coping with existential angst in the present, a meticulously navigated strategy for creating a space of safety and numbness, and a modality of self-care.
In focusing on the underlying complexities that keep some individuals holding onto their eating disorders, seemingly, regardless of the suffering involved, I do not mean to suggest that there is no hope at all for healing but rather that we may do well to reconsider and reconfigure what it means, ultimately, to recover. When we view eating disorders through a presumptive and stereotypical lens, such as a “diet gone wrong” or an “over the top” response to cultural pressures about weight and body image, what becomes very easily obscured is the fact that what we are dealing with is, in actuality, a serious mental illness that can, and sometimes does, result in death. Just as with other complex mental illnesses, such as depression or schizophrenia, which we know arise from a combination of genetic, psychological, social, environmental, and cultural factors, the so-called “causes” of eating disorders are similarly multiple and tangled. Eating disorders, in other words, although they rely on starvation practices and other compensatory behaviours, are still greater than just those things. For all that we have learned and for all that we think we know, there remains something mystifying about eating disorders. They do not have one answer, but multiple inexhaustible explanations.
Across Canada, thanks in part to corporate initiatives such as the Bell Let’s Talk commitment as well as many other recent and important national public education campaigns, we’ve begun to open our eyes to the reality of mental illness, and to break the silence and combat the deep-seated stigma around what it means to live with a mental health disorder. As a society, we have made significant strides in improving our mental health awareness and literacy. For example, in families, schools, and workplaces, we are now more confident and comfortable than ever before identifying and being able to talk about mental health disorders. We are starting to acquire knowledge and strategies for managing or preventing mental health problems and for seeking early intervention. We are starting to see that mental illness, in and of itself, is far less damaging and problematic than the stigma, discrimination, and social exclusion that commonly surround it. We are learning that there is no shame in living with mental illness, that it need not be treated as an intractable hindrance or as something that has to finally be “cured,” that there are many methods for coping, and that it is possible to live with it and still have a good life.
Because eating disorders are mental health disorders, they must, in my opinion, be viewed and treated in exactly the same way. For all of the reasons I have outlined above, to the extent that an in-depth understanding of (in this case) anorexia, is possible only when we admit the deeply subjective and processual nature of the illness (i.e., the things that it does for and not only to sufferers) we need to look at creating multiple definitions for recovery, as recovery will look different for everyone. For some, reframing recovery as living well with illness rather than the complete eradication of symptoms may be a better way to conceptualize the road to healing.
As human beings, we are in process with regard to virtually every aspect of our lives. It is therefore not a failing, and indeed, seems more honest to admit that: where our eating disorders are concerned, we are continually in the process of recovering; some of us may never be fully recovered, and that’s okay.
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Alyson holds a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of British Columbia, an M.A. in Women’s Studies from York University, and a B.A. (Hons.) in Women’s Studies from Western University. Working at the intersection of memoir writing and queer and feminist theories of feeling and embodiment, her scholarship weaves the poetic and the autobiographical to explore themes of emergent queer identities, sex and sexuality, trauma, eating disorders, and self-harm. One of her current projects is a book manuscript of her doctoral dissertation on trauma and queer memoir. Beyond academia, she is a writer and advocate for eating disorders awareness and prevention. She writes to explore the ways in which identity and illness are implicated in each other and to consider how artmaking can be a means for healing.
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Q: I am feeling so defeated. After months of making progress I had a really big set back and it feels like I am right back at the beginning. All of this is making me question whether recovery is really possible for me.
A: I have so much respect for people who can admit when life has gotten the best of them and can be honest about the impact it has had. While acknowledging the setback to ourselves doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, it does set you up to be successful moving forward. For starters, I think the most important thing to know is that setbacks are normal. Life is hard and we can’t always master it without being affected. Your eating disorder has pulled you out of painful moments in your past so when they happen again, it can be easy to slip into that familiar way of coping. Secondly, it is also important to remember that you overcame so many different setbacks to experience the progress you mentioned. Recovery is a process of setbacks and successes. Some setbacks may not have felt as significant as this one but if you take some time to reflect you will remember that there were moments, days, weeks and months where you were certain you wouldn’t be able to accomplish or overcome a barrier that then became manageable over time. Whether this be working through a relationship struggle, making it through the holidays or learning a new way to nourish yourself, you survived all the moments you previously were convinced were impossible. Finally, you never go back to the beginning once you have made steps forward. You have been through too much and worked too hard to go back to the place before those skills existed. You are not only stronger now, but you also know what has and hasn’t worked for you in the past so you can choose to fall back on the knowledge you have of yourself and keep moving forward.
So what do you do when you find yourself facing a relapse and feeling not only defeated but also overwhelmed by the journey forward? You take a deep breath and you start your journey to healing one small step at a time. Go back to the toolbox you have so courageously and intentionally built over your recovery journey so far. Instead of focusing on all the ways you feel you have fallen, focus instead on the ways you have gotten yourself back up in the past and try them out again. It might require some tweaking of those skills to fit this new place you are in, but you have it in you to make those adjustments. Next, set boundaries with the self-defeating thoughts that are running through your head telling you that you will never recover or that you can’t possibly overcome this. This is one of the most significant steps you can take towards recovery because it moves you from a position of fragility into a position of power. Instead, focus on building yourself up while giving yourself permission to not be perfect. Eating disorders like to live in the idea of a perfect next step, a perfect outcome, a perfect idea of progress. Living by the perfection principle enables the eating disorder to thrive and leaves your healthy side feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Instead, give yourself permission to be human and to move forward with acceptance that you will fumble, that it is okay to be human and that you have the strength and capacity to get back up. Did you find a certain self-care practice really helpful at the beginning of your recovery journey? Maybe give that a shot again. Was being vulnerable with a loved one something that always left you feel less isolated and more hopeful? Be so brave as to open up your heart again and share your current struggles. Whatever it is, remind yourself that if you have done it once, you can do it again and that you have all of the answers of what to do next if you just take a moment to look within.
Setbacks are a part of recovery and arguably an important part. By learning to trust your ability to work through them and keep going, you develop a skill set that will set you up to be successful when life hands you hard times in the future. So take a deep breath, remind yourself that you can do this, and take your next step.
"Life is a river. That's what grandad always used to say. A beginning, an end, a million different ways in between. He used to metaphor my whole life, how it'd ebb and flow, following the path of least resistance, barreling straight through the impossible. Clear as air and black as night. And no matter what direction or how it'd move or what it'd look like, the point according to grandad, was that the river always moved forward." - Life Cycles Film, 2010
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Kaela Scott is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who specializes in Eating Disorders. She runs her own private practice and works with the Looking Glass Foundation in both their summer camp and their Hand In Hand Program. She has been passionate about working with eating disorders since freeing herself from her own struggle and realizing what it is like to be happy and well. When she isn’t working, you can find Kaela either cozying up with a cup of tea and her friends or up in the mountains going for a hike.
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By Meghan Chen
My recovery journey has been marked by a deep need to grow in self-awareness. I’ve learned to sit with discomfort, to identify why I feel anxious in certain situations, and to take a step back when I’m feeling overwhelmed in order to gain perspective. I've felt victorious, shameful, sad, and proud - sometimes all at once. One of the most important things I've learned through the recovery process is that I need to acknowledge all of those feelings.
I'm a feelings-based person by nature, and for a long time, I was ashamed of being so sensitive. I didn't want to be known as the crybaby, and as natural as my emotional reactions were, they exhausted me. What resulted was an effort to swallow all my feelings, to numb them with perfectionism and stoicism. I thought that's what resilient people did, and I thought it was the only way to survive in a world where feeling everything seems to take up too much time and space. The problem with not acknowledging feelings, though, is that it doesn’t make them any less present. Feelings can be indicators, and if we ignore them, we may not only fail to understand the root cause of our responses to certain situations, but we also deny ourselves the opportunity to be truly seen and heard.
As I have worked through recovery, the key to using my feelings as a tool has been to respond to them with curiosity instead of shame. When a situation prompts a strong emotional reaction, the first thing I do is acknowledge that I am having an emotional experience and that this is okay. If I instead tell myself that I am not allowed to react in that way, whatever feelings I am experiencing are replaced with guilt and shame, which usually keep me feeling stuck instead of helping me move forward. I then try to identify what aspect of the situation acted as the trigger for my emotional reaction, which helps me to pinpoint the root cause of the issue. It may have been that someone made a comment which touched on an area of personal insecurity, or that a situation arose where I was afraid of demonstrating a loss of control. If feelings of pain and hurt arise as a result of identifying this trigger, I allow myself to experience those emotions, and then make a conscious choice to step outside of them as I navigate my next steps. As helpful as recognizing my feelings may be, I have learned that making recovery-related decisions based on feelings is not always fruitful. For instance, shame is an emotional reaction I often experience, but shame-based decision making typically leads me to withdraw and punish myself instead of challenging the ED voice and being brave. When I experience shame, after acknowledging and exploring what I am feeling, I remind myself that I can choose how I respond to my circumstances - and I want to choose joy, love, and freedom. Declaring that to myself helps me to look at things from a different perspective, and allows me to feel more rooted and at peace when I make decisions.
By sharing this process, I don’t mean to suggest that this is the one and only way to deal with feelings. I only highlight this aspect of my recovery because I know that not giving ourselves permission to enjoy food (and other things, for that matter) can be a huge part of life with ED, and this restrictive approach often extends to how we deal with our feelings as well. The insight I have gained through acknowledging and exploring my feelings is one of the greatest gifts that recovery has given me. It has allowed me to get to know myself more thoroughly, and has also made me more empathetic towards others when they respond in an unexpected way. Behind an angry reaction may be pain and hurt; behind anxiety may be fear; behind malice, insecurity.
I have learned that we have two choices when we experience strong emotions: we can react, or we can respond. The former is often done without thinking, but the latter involves a choice. Instead of reacting to shame by numbing or hiding it, we can acknowledge the feeling, take a step back from the situation, and choose to respond with compassion. We can choose to respond with bravery instead of resigning ourselves to fear. And that choice, my friends, can make all the difference in recovery.[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space][vc_column_text]
Meghan is a Biology student and aspiring nurse whose favourite things include dark chocolate, choral music, and quiet chapels with stained glass windows. She loves TED talks and any book or movie with a good story, and is currently enjoying learning more about mental health, her faith, and how to care for the people and places around her. Her goal is to remember that she can learn something from every person she encounters and every conversation she has, because the world is full of remarkable and resilient people (like you!).
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